[ To think this had all unfolded from inquiring about having his ears pierced. He will have to return to the request at some point, but for the time being it is the furthest thing from Sanemi’s mind. Cuddling this sap ranked far higher on the list.
Sanemi’s lips screw into an expression that’s almost dangerously sulky. Even with Tengen’s… charming insistence, he’s incredibly hesitant. Heat starts to collect in his face. ]
I’unno. Since right after I became a hashira. Something like that.
[It's all so... normal... that this unfolded from that. It feels wrong, almost, like he doesn't deserve normal, but... at the same time, Sanemi does, so Tengen will simply have to grapple with the wrongness until it ceases to be an issue.
And get cuddled. That helped, somewhat.]
Eh? Fuck, you hid your crush better than you thought, if that's true.
[He'd always believed there to be a friendship there - he often bridged the gap between the more sunshiny hashira and the prickly ones, being a bit of both himself - but more? From Sanemi? The man's single-minded dedication to the mission effectively hid any softer feelings.
But there was no mission, here.]
At least until you didn't have to anymore.
[More teasing. More of a shield, to keep from being too terribly flustered himself.]
... it's more that I don't think I realized that's what the hell was going on until much more recently.
[ For once, Sanemi doesn't rise to the bait. He lays his head on top of Tengen's with something of a contented sigh. Fuck it. He was allowed to be happy with this. All else was secondary at the moment. ]
I can't fucking pretend like it didn't become obvious the moment I wasn't focused. I don't know if that's why it felt like it all came on so strongly, or what. It was like one moment, the idea of all that shit didn't matter - hell, it didn't even hardly register. I'd have moments where I thought about that sort of thing, sure, but it seemed like a waste of my fucking time. And then all of a sudden -. We here here, I guess, and forced into fucking retirement, and my brain had time to catch up.
[ Shit, is this the most he's talked about his feelings practically ever? He flushes, growls, and squeezes Tengen wordless retribution for a moment. ]
Now you've got me talking your fucking ear off. Embarrassing.
[He knows Sanemi wouldn't talk this much about anything - much less his feelings - if he really didn't want to. Sure, they might be spilling out with barely any prompting, here, but... it's nice, getting to hear it, getting to understand him that much more.]
I can't say I understand entirely, since I never really... had to? Got to? Think about it at all the first time around.
[With the other Hashira it was different in some ways, there was certainly more freedom to have and feel feelings, Kanae and Mitsuri were proof enough of that, but in other ways it was the same as it had been - the mission was the most important, connection with others could be seen as a weakness to exploit...
And no one chooses Tengen Uzui anyway.
Except Suma. Except Sanemi, apparently.]
Retirement is hell on assumptions on how the world is, isn't it?
[ If Tengen hadn't been with his wives for as long as he had been, Sanemi might have questioned their decision to fall into this more. By his admission, he hadn't had the opportunity to contemplate what that tether was going to mean the first time around - or the first three times around, to be specific. But the fact he seemed happy with his relationship in Sanemi's most recent memory put him at ease. If there had been even a vague sense of a similar pressure... ]
I get it. I'm not even sure what point I'm trying to make, just – fucking. Rambling. I guess.
[ Sanemi sighs faintly through his nose. Then, with a hint of cheek. ]
Well, your post-retirement outfit change certainly helped, so yeah.
[After so long, despite the way their relationships had begun, there was a kind of understanding between the four of them that let him - let all of them should they choose to - have a kind of freedom, so long as there was communication. Hell, maybe that's why he was able to run circles around Sanemi when it came to all this. The ability to simply be confident in their love for each other was more valuable than anything else he could possibly want.
And it removed pressure from... well, from this.]
Rambling's fine. I like your voice, too, you know.
[As if that couldn't be guessed. As if the Sound Hashira would even consider being with someone whose sounds bothered him.]
Shit, I would sure hope so. Otherwise you'd be in for a world of hurt.
[ The wordless implication here: because I'm not going to leave you the hell alone from this point onward. At least, not nearly as much as he had prior to their arrival in the Grove. Sanemi was still an introvert at heart, and would always require some level of space, but it turned out those inclinations butted heads with the desire to rub against someone like a cat. Go figure. ]
Traditional isn't really the word I'd use, but hey, if that's the way you wanna take it.
[He will take that wordless implication and add a promise of a future sappy conversation to it. He knows, deep down, neither of them could handle it all at once, but one little bit of saccharine sweetness at a time, every time either of them decided it was time to crawl into the other's arms? Yeah. Yeah, that was doable.]
[ Is he going to take this in a perverse direction immediately? He considers it for a moment, weighing his options. Leading with something crass had always been his style... and maybe he's shoved enough sweet, sappy bullshit into Tengen's lap for one conversation. ]
[He'll take all your sweet, sappy bullshit, Sanemi, but... the more crass direction does get a laugh out of him, too. He'll even sit up again, so he can be eye level with that dip in neckline once more - and, honestly, it's more revealing than usual after having been curled so close and, honestly, somewhat awkwardly for a while.]
Less than I used to, you know!
[But little peeks are, apparently, more Sanemi's style than the constant gun show. Cute. Good to know.]
[ Sanemi doesn't exactly try to hide the way his eyes immediately dip downward, but he does spare a moment to look vaguely sheepish about it. He wouldn't actively consider himself a connoisseur of any particular part of the body, but some certainly had their... specific merits. ]
It's different. Besides, your legs were always covered. That's definitely different.
[ Then, off-handedly, with his head leaned back to appreciate the full picture: ] Besides, more color suits you anyway.
[ Being prompted to think back on their camp attire in any aspect is blush-inducing. The primary issue being: if he thinks about their camp attire, he thinks about the entire camp experience. If he thinks about the camp experience, his mind ultimately finds a way to wind over to the showers. Sanemi turns his head away with a click of his tongue. ]
... wasn't a fucking problem. Shut up.
[ He hardly even wants to deign the flamboyant comment with a response. Of course something like that had to come up. Flashy, flamboyant, showstopping. Whatever the fuck. ]
[One of these days, Tengen will pull it out of the closet, because Wolfie said we could keep them--
Anyway.
Sanemi looks away, and Tengen takes advantage of that by pressing kisses to his temples, as if that isn't an incentive for him to sulk more often. Maybe it is. Maybe it's a gentle little apology for being a tease. Maybe it's a little of both.]
What were you thinking? Come on, I said I didn't mind you talking to me.
[ Sanemi lapses into contemplative silence as Tengen kisses his temples. A complicated, twisted-up knot of feelings arises abruptly into the pit of his stomach. He wants to shove away. He wants to bite. He wants to hang on and not let go, no matter the circumstance. He wants to tell Tengen to take him to bed.
Feelings are fucking confusing. He thinks it might be a positive that his wires are crossing. His face grows serious. ]
Sometimes, you say or do shit that makes me think that I like you so fucking much that I want to bite the hell out of you. You’re - I don’t fucking know. Colorful. Vibrant.
[He knows the words were being avoided on purpose, so he supplies them anyway, complete with a quirk of his eyebrow and a visible, lopsided grin. It feels... nice... to have his efforts toward all that recognized, despite everything, especially from someone who is so dear to him, who has only clawed his way closer to his heart the longer they spend together in peace.
Feelings are confusing. Tamping them down to nothing is worse.]
I might regret telling you this, but... I don't mind the biting.
[ He shoves at Tengen's face, but it’s so light a push as to be almost kitten-like. Stupid. Idiotic. He almost hates the feeling of being fond. He keeps his hand where it is to hide that grin, because how genuine it is feels like it’s going to burn him, somehow. ]
I would sure as hell hope so, considering you gave as good as you got. Pretty sure I’m gonna have a permanent bite mark on the back of my neck.
[Not the kitten-paw shove! But, hey, he can't say he minds it much, since it means with just the littlest shift he can press kisses to the palm of Sanemi's hand. Accept affection, idiot.]
Mm, we can make it permanent. I wouldn't mind putting it back every time it fades.
They’re your -. [ His mind stalls momentarily, waylaid from his complaint by the affection. His hand isn’t sensitive, necessarily — far too calloused and scarred — but the kisses feel intimate nonetheless. ] Stupid fucking words.
[ And then Tengen stalls his brain again, but in an entirely different fashion. Sanemi thanks whatever higher power exists that his hand is covering Tengen's face, because what the hell kind of off-handed comment? A permanent birthmark? His face is hot. Hell, his whole body abruptly feels hot. ]
[As if he doesn't also describe others as flashy or flamboyant.
But then Sanemi's brain stalls out - obviously - and he gets flustered and... Well. Just as planned. More placating kisses to his palm. The overwhelming amount of willpower needed to not lick his fingers.]
[ Sorry, Tengen, Sanemi decides it is high time to employ some sort of escape method. He reels his hand back, pink in the face and scowling, and gets to wriggling backward. Some things didn’t change even after a confession of sorts! That included his tendency to attempt to abscond when flustered. ]
[ He never thought he’d feel fucking short at his height until he was semi-consistently being rearranged by this fucking guy. Being effectively rendered inert by simply being picked up was almost humiliating. Unless he truly wanted to put in a real concentrated effort to escape, he was effectively trapped in Tengen's grasp and forced to face the music (no pun intended).
Which. Wouldn’t be terrible under most circumstances. But he has appearances to keep up, here. ]
[Tengen makes Sanemi feel short, Himejima would make Tengen feel short, if he got wrangled by him, such is life. He's just happy to know it's that easy to "convince" Sanemi to stay put, honestly.
Appearances or no.]
You don't have to get that flustered, for starters.
[ Maybe it’s a testament to his comfort that Sanemi realizes a few things in rapid succession. Tengen was right. They were alone. No one was around to hear the things he enjoyed and, thus, no one was around to cast judgment. Not that he should care. Additionally: no, he really didn’t have to get this flustered.
He settles with an almost haughty huff, shoving his head against Tengen's shoulder. ]
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Sanemi’s lips screw into an expression that’s almost dangerously sulky. Even with Tengen’s… charming insistence, he’s incredibly hesitant. Heat starts to collect in his face. ]
I’unno. Since right after I became a hashira. Something like that.
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And get cuddled. That helped, somewhat.]
Eh? Fuck, you hid your crush better than you thought, if that's true.
[He'd always believed there to be a friendship there - he often bridged the gap between the more sunshiny hashira and the prickly ones, being a bit of both himself - but more? From Sanemi? The man's single-minded dedication to the mission effectively hid any softer feelings.
But there was no mission, here.]
At least until you didn't have to anymore.
[More teasing. More of a shield, to keep from being too terribly flustered himself.]
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[ For once, Sanemi doesn't rise to the bait. He lays his head on top of Tengen's with something of a contented sigh. Fuck it. He was allowed to be happy with this. All else was secondary at the moment. ]
I can't fucking pretend like it didn't become obvious the moment I wasn't focused. I don't know if that's why it felt like it all came on so strongly, or what. It was like one moment, the idea of all that shit didn't matter - hell, it didn't even hardly register. I'd have moments where I thought about that sort of thing, sure, but it seemed like a waste of my fucking time. And then all of a sudden -. We here here, I guess, and forced into fucking retirement, and my brain had time to catch up.
[ Shit, is this the most he's talked about his feelings practically ever? He flushes, growls, and squeezes Tengen wordless retribution for a moment. ]
Now you've got me talking your fucking ear off. Embarrassing.
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[He knows Sanemi wouldn't talk this much about anything - much less his feelings - if he really didn't want to. Sure, they might be spilling out with barely any prompting, here, but... it's nice, getting to hear it, getting to understand him that much more.]
I can't say I understand entirely, since I never really... had to? Got to? Think about it at all the first time around.
[With the other Hashira it was different in some ways, there was certainly more freedom to have and feel feelings, Kanae and Mitsuri were proof enough of that, but in other ways it was the same as it had been - the mission was the most important, connection with others could be seen as a weakness to exploit...
And no one chooses Tengen Uzui anyway.
Except Suma. Except Sanemi, apparently.]
Retirement is hell on assumptions on how the world is, isn't it?
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I get it. I'm not even sure what point I'm trying to make, just – fucking. Rambling. I guess.
[ Sanemi sighs faintly through his nose. Then, with a hint of cheek. ]
Well, your post-retirement outfit change certainly helped, so yeah.
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And it removed pressure from... well, from this.]
Rambling's fine. I like your voice, too, you know.
[As if that couldn't be guessed. As if the Sound Hashira would even consider being with someone whose sounds bothered him.]
Yeah? What, you're that traditional?
[Cheek traded for cheek.]
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[ The wordless implication here: because I'm not going to leave you the hell alone from this point onward. At least, not nearly as much as he had prior to their arrival in the Grove. Sanemi was still an introvert at heart, and would always require some level of space, but it turned out those inclinations butted heads with the desire to rub against someone like a cat. Go figure. ]
Traditional isn't really the word I'd use, but hey, if that's the way you wanna take it.
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[He will take that wordless implication and add a promise of a future sappy conversation to it. He knows, deep down, neither of them could handle it all at once, but one little bit of saccharine sweetness at a time, every time either of them decided it was time to crawl into the other's arms? Yeah. Yeah, that was doable.]
No? What would you call it, then?
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[ Is he going to take this in a perverse direction immediately? He considers it for a moment, weighing his options. Leading with something crass had always been his style... and maybe he's shoved enough sweet, sappy bullshit into Tengen's lap for one conversation. ]
Shows plenty of skin. Call it having eyes.
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Less than I used to, you know!
[But little peeks are, apparently, more Sanemi's style than the constant gun show. Cute. Good to know.]
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It's different. Besides, your legs were always covered. That's definitely different.
[ Then, off-handedly, with his head leaned back to appreciate the full picture: ] Besides, more color suits you anyway.
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Oh, so the shorts were a problem. I get it.
[Considering his legs were all the way out in those, and the impulse to be a menace has returned.]
You're right, though. More color is way more flamboyant~
[Or you're a pale bastard with white hair, you dumbass.]
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... wasn't a fucking problem. Shut up.
[ He hardly even wants to deign the flamboyant comment with a response. Of course something like that had to come up. Flashy, flamboyant, showstopping. Whatever the fuck. ]
Wasn't what I was thinking, but sure.
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Anyway.
Sanemi looks away, and Tengen takes advantage of that by pressing kisses to his temples, as if that isn't an incentive for him to sulk more often. Maybe it is. Maybe it's a gentle little apology for being a tease. Maybe it's a little of both.]
What were you thinking? Come on, I said I didn't mind you talking to me.
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Feelings are fucking confusing. He thinks it might be a positive that his wires are crossing. His face grows serious. ]
Sometimes, you say or do shit that makes me think that I like you so fucking much that I want to bite the hell out of you. You’re - I don’t fucking know. Colorful. Vibrant.
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[He knows the words were being avoided on purpose, so he supplies them anyway, complete with a quirk of his eyebrow and a visible, lopsided grin. It feels... nice... to have his efforts toward all that recognized, despite everything, especially from someone who is so dear to him, who has only clawed his way closer to his heart the longer they spend together in peace.
Feelings are confusing. Tamping them down to nothing is worse.]
I might regret telling you this, but... I don't mind the biting.
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[ He shoves at Tengen's face, but it’s so light a push as to be almost kitten-like. Stupid. Idiotic. He almost hates the feeling of being fond. He keeps his hand where it is to hide that grin, because how genuine it is feels like it’s going to burn him, somehow. ]
I would sure as hell hope so, considering you gave as good as you got. Pretty sure I’m gonna have a permanent bite mark on the back of my neck.
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[Not the kitten-paw shove! But, hey, he can't say he minds it much, since it means with just the littlest shift he can press kisses to the palm of Sanemi's hand. Accept affection, idiot.]
Mm, we can make it permanent. I wouldn't mind putting it back every time it fades.
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[ And then Tengen stalls his brain again, but in an entirely different fashion. Sanemi thanks whatever higher power exists that his hand is covering Tengen's face, because what the hell kind of off-handed comment? A permanent birthmark? His face is hot. Hell, his whole body abruptly feels hot. ]
Don’t - just say shit like that!
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[As if he doesn't also describe others as flashy or flamboyant.
But then Sanemi's brain stalls out - obviously - and he gets flustered and... Well. Just as planned. More placating kisses to his palm. The overwhelming amount of willpower needed to not lick his fingers.]
So you do like the idea~
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[ Sorry, Tengen, Sanemi decides it is high time to employ some sort of escape method. He reels his hand back, pink in the face and scowling, and gets to wriggling backward. Some things didn’t change even after a confession of sorts! That included his tendency to attempt to abscond when flustered. ]
Didn’t fucking say that.
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And by that, obviously, as soon as Sanemi starts trying to wriggle away, Tengen just. Stands back up, with the other man still in his arms.]
Why not? It's just us here.
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Which. Wouldn’t be terrible under most circumstances. But he has appearances to keep up, here. ]
What’s that got to do with anything!
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Appearances or no.]
You don't have to get that flustered, for starters.
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He settles with an almost haughty huff, shoving his head against Tengen's shoulder. ]
Fine.
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